The Lost Horizon
Don’t know if I should have written this. Don’t know if this comes as a justification, or an excuse.
I know the sanest thing I can possibly do now is to think of a busy Monday, work on certain things that would definitely add on to my resume and perhaps some more zeros to my CTC, and then when am tired, just doze off. And wait for another week to begin.
But is this life? Odd as it may seem, I keep track of certain blogs (call it stalking if you want to, I don’t care). Logged on to check mails after a pretty busy weekend and out of habit went to one such bookmarked blog. The reason being obvious: today was one of such many days when I was missing some moments of my life, moments when I lived my life, and later passed them off as ‘you don’t need to live every moment of your life for yourself’ with a heavy heart and a smile. And of course some blog posts.
And the question bumped into my mind for the n-th time. Do we all really do what we want to? Or is it what we think we should rationally do? I can vouch for myself – I have trained myself so well to do what needs to be done that at times, when I look back, I wonder where did those moments go when I wanted to live.
Someone told me long back, “Never change. I love the way you are.” I promised: won’t! But then I did. I do change…every morning I look at the mirror and find a different me. A more rational, logical, obedient me, who knows exactly where to go, what needs to be done! Someone who is professionally focused and calculative. Even personally. A daughter any parent would love to flaunt.
But did I keep my promise? I went back to confess I can’t. I can’t remain unchanged, because society demands I change. It demands I be a perfect daughter, sister, fiancé, wife, mother. And lover too. Striving to be a perfectionist what bothers me is I can’t be a perfect lover. For all other things, I will. But I no more believe in fairy tale love…hence!
So the promise stands null and void now.
Hence…
I chose to believe whatever happens, happens for good.
I chose to believe I can and will do it.
I chose to hide my vulnerability
I chose to sing to the tune of life…a life that others dream
I chose to make people believe I am happy
I chose to learn to smile and say: “Happens! Life!”
And on certain nights, I choose to dump my random thoughts here. Thoughts that would perhaps make no sense…
Note of thanks: I owe the title of this post to a certain moment of my life.
Comments
Even Darwin supported that idea :)
Also, you need to think what you want ?? whether you want to be a perfectionist or to give quality time to your loved ones (parents, closed friends .... etc etc)
Even if you give all your time to make it look perfect, yet you will be left with a feeling something still missing psychologically.. Key is "Less is More".. Spend some time with your loved ones but do it regularly (share thoughts, laugh with them, be with them during their good and bad times).. that's how one builds a "Good" relation, if not perfect - which everyone looks forward to :)
and i feel that more important than knowing what one wants (since we all want different things in life, and some of them might be contradictory)is deciding on the priorities of life. that's how relations are nurtured..each relationship at its different levels.