In self defence...

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A little bit of this...a little bit of that, I'm what you see me. I'm what you don't see... Anything but typical, unpredictable, as real as real can be...that's me!

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Randomly random

For all the time you stopped me
From following my dreams – “Thank You”
You made it easier for me to leave you

Final boarding announcement.
He hugged: “Promise me you’ll take care of yourself.”
She smiled. “Stay back” choked.
If only the baby in the womb could speak!

“All the best!”
“Thanks! It means a lot from you.”
Just once she hoped he won’t crack the interview.


Butterflies in stomach?
Past that age.
Insensitive to emotions.
One look. And the world crashes.
And they still need Richter scale to measure earthquakes.

6 AM. Result Positive.
Husband oblivious. In deep sleep.
Freaked out, she texts her best friend.
Like always – he gave her a virtual hug.

“Don’t throw tantrums! You’re not a child. I was busy.”
“Come home! There’s no one to throw tantrums when I’m late.”
She’ll be her dad’s princess. Always!

“Congratulations! No more pizza, alcohol, and junk food.”

Unaware, the tom-boy died. A mother is born.


At thirteen, she heard Celine Dion crooning:
“Love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime.”
Innocent belief is dangerous.

At 12, rain meant coffee and Mills & Boons.
At 16, a love note hidden in the pages of notebook.
At 20, chai and adda in the college canteen.
At 24, a sudden kiss while walking on a deserted road.
28…32…36…40. Her soul is still rain parched.  

First crush?
-Too early in life.
First love?
-A moment of silence.
Do you love me?

-You’re the father of my child. 

Random Scribblings

I have seen music in his voice
I have heard rainbow in his eyes.
He rains. He burns. He cuts. He heals.

Strangled. Yet the pen bleeds.
They can’t always be right!
Some wounds don’t heal with time.

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.”
Really? Then where did the concept of parallel universe come from?

Just curious! Don’t kill the cat for that!

Friday, October 7, 2016

শুভ শারদীয়া

শরতের সোনাঝরা রোদ্দুর-মাখা সকাল আজ অতীত | ঢাকের বাদ্যি শুনে ঘুম ভাঙা...মায়ের হাতের লুচি - তরকারি, পিঠে এসে লাগা অষ্টমীর অঞ্জলীর ফুল, আড়-চোখের ইশারা, নতুন জামার গন্ধ - হারিয়ে গেছে ছোটবেলার কানাগলির বাঁকে | ক্লাস এইটের প্রথম প্রেম হয়তো আজ সংসারী | আনন্দমেলা ঘরের এক কোণে সঙ্গীর অপেক্ষয়ায় |

অলি পাবের প্রথম ভদকা, ম্যাডক্স স্কোয়ারের ঝারি, রাত জাগা আড্ডা, উল্টোডাঙার মোড়ে প্রথম হাতের ছোঁয়ায় শিউরে ওঠা... মোহাম্মদ আলী পার্কের ভিড়, বাবার কিনে দেওয়া চিকেন রোল, দিদির ব্যাগ থেকে পয়সা নিয়ে আলুকাবলি ... আজ শুধুই ফেসবুক পোস্ট |

নবমীর রাতে বুকের ভিতর চিনচিনে ব্যাথা নেই আর | দশমীতে যেবার শেষবার সিঁদুর খেলেছিলাম...সেবার কি মায়ের চোখে জল দেখেছিলাম? না কি আমার চোখ ছলছল?

পাড়ার প্যান্ডেলে চেয়ার নেই, গরমে ঘেমে ঠাকুর দেখা নেই, রাস্তার বিরিয়ানি খেয়ে পেটব্যথা নেই|

চাওয়া - পাওয়ার হিসেব আজ থাক! আজ বরং পুরোনো জামায় থাকুক নতুন পারফিউম এর মাদকতা | নবমীর মন খারাপ আজ বাক্সবন্দী থাকুক - পুজো হোক আনন্দময় |

শুভ শারদীয়া! পুজো ভালো কাটুক, পেট ভালো থাকুক!

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Rain in the City!

1:00 PM. Wednesday. And am still on my way to office. Smiling.

No, I don’t love my job. Don’t hate it either. But I love the flexibility that comes with it. And the drive.

In a metro like NCR, where I choose to drive 50kms one-way daily to work, people often ask me – why? My answers vary depending on my mood. Sometimes my husband is not willing to relocate from Gurgaon. Sometimes, it is the ‘us’ time we get that helps us bond better. Sometimes, NOIDA is too crowded. Sometimes, what if I decide to take up a new job in Gurgaon?

What I don’t reveal is the obvious – I love driving. Yes. Everyday. In Delhi.

Most days we (my husband and me) travel separately. Which leaves me with myself, my car, and my favorite songs on the loop. And my timings (to start the day) being rather flexible, I get those 4-hours of ‘me’ time.

And on days we travel together, I love taking detours to try a new food joint, or to explore new routes. Cribbing about work pressure, of course, comes free.

Like today. I started a little late. I was driving lazily through Shanti Path when it started pouring. Answering a concerned call from hubby, I decided to take a minute break, parked the car in a no-parking zone, and got out of the car. Ignoring the curious looks of the passer-by, I got busy welcoming the rain. Few minutes, and it made my day.

Today is not a day to spend at air-conditioned cubicle. So, I thought of bunking work for a moment. But one look at my calendar, I decided otherwise. I took the longest route possible to work to enjoy a drive in the rain. Stopped by in between to take pictures. And then, finally, when rain became drizzle, I parked my car at the parking.

Almost every day, I read thousands of articles about women liberation. To my mind, women liberation is much more than having a choice about when to get married, when to have a kid, or which career to choose.  It is also in such small things like having the freedom to enjoy rain on a workday, or cancelling a date with your hubby to go out for a drink with your best friend.

Do you agree?  

Saturday, May 21, 2016


Have you ever wondered when, and why does someone become your best friend? And share a place in your life that no one else, perhaps not even your spouse does?

Someone who understands you more than anyone else does. And even in fights, you know s/he loves you. Not the run-of-the-mill kind of passionate love, but a love that you know will always be with you. Even when you’re out of touch for months.

This post is about my best friend… someone who I referred to indirectly in this blog often.

Where do I begin? The first time we met? Or when we realized we are best buddies?

2003, I met him. First day of college, we shared an orange candy. He, obviously, had his eyes on a cute classmate already. To me, he was just another classmate then.

What followed was 3 years of adda, bunking classes for movies and theaters, endless gossips and phone calls. Discussions from Eliot to Freud. Study plans. We were just like any other friend. Though I never realized why his girlfriend hated me.

We moved to different cities. He to Pune. I moved to Hyderabad. Gmail connected us. One day, he pinged me: “I broke up.” My instant reaction was: “Thank God!” Hour-long call followed. And unknowingly, we became best friends.

That was 2007. We used to talk for hours every day. Share who we have crush on, semester pressure, talk about that cute guy/ girl in class. Both of us have had many relationships since then. Needless to say, all of them came with an expiry date.

What survived was our friendship. Yes, we have had our share of misunderstandings. And ego clashes. But we have survived that.

They say, a guy and a girl can never be best friends without falling in love. I won’t deny that. Yes, we fell in love. But then realized our friendship is more precious than love. So we decided not to be in a relationship.

13 years later, I know he is the only person I have who understands me. And my mood swings.

Having seen life, what matters now I guess is the fact that you have someone who you know will always be there. Someone you can share your insecurities with. Someone who would understand and zap you back to reality. Someone who you can hug and cry, knowing he will understand why you’re crying without asking.

Yes, we don’t communicate often. Our midnight chats are rare now.

But, I have someone who understands me, like no one else does. Not my parents. Not my spouse.

Guess that is what best friends are all about. A hug when you need most. And a smile when you want to cry. 

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

2 a.m. conversations

Does past still hurts?
I guess pain subsides!

Are you happy with me?
I don’t cry often now.

Don’t you think you’ve changed?
No, I have outgrown my teenage romantic self.

Do you love me?
Shall we go for a drive? I need a smoke. And an ice-cream

Monday, May 4, 2015

Fairy tale

I grew up listening to Cinderella, Rapunzel and many other tales of happily ever after and believed that life would be perfect if I could wear a pretty dress and hold your gaze forever. These stories never told me that there will be misunderstandings, arguments, pain, tears, and sometimes even goodbyes.
When I grew up, I realized that glass slippers can, in fact, bruise your feet.  I also realized that men don’t give you stars in your eyes. That’s what Vodka is for.

I don’t want to be rescued by you every time life is a bitch to me because frankly, I can handle it. But, listen to me when I painfully describe every problem and forgive me if I don’t stop to ask for your opinion. Because more often than not, I don’t seek your opinion.
I don’t want a fairy tale ending with you because my life is already complete.

I am over the days when Disney made me stay awake with stars in my eyes waiting for a man to complete my life.
And life has taught me that first kisses don’t happen under a sparkling sky with firecrackers, but they are beautiful nevertheless. Just stay next to me, and I promise you will be a priority, just not my whole world.

I don’t want us to ride off together in the sunset because I have a blackberry that beeps as much as yours does. When work is calling and life is nothing but a routine, let’s never forget to remind each other, there is still magic left.

I don’t want a fairy tale ending with you because even though I have kissed a few frogs and pigs before I met you, it is not the entire story. I have also kissed some very charming men before you and because memories are like untainted photographs, they will remain a very happy part of my life.
So, just don’t ask me too many questions about my past. At least, I am not Snow White and you don’t have to deal with me living in with seven dwarfs.

I don’t want a fairy tale ending with you because I am not a girl straight out of a fairy tale. My hair is not always perfect, I don’t sing to birds unless I am drunk and on the occasional times that I do hang out with my family/ brother, I don’t set old women on fire.
But, once in a while, don’t forget to throw your arms around me and call me your princess because the truth is I am not completely over the Disney dream yet.

I don’t want a fairy tale ending with you because I don’t want you under my spell for the rest of our lives.
But as long as we are together, look into my eyes and give me your time, trust, and love because that would be more powerful than any spell anyone ever cast.

I don’t want a fairy tale ending with you because in the world that we live in it is unlikely that our love is broken by stepmothers, curses, or witches.
However, look into my eyes once, hold my hands gently and tell me that even many years from now, our love story will never be reduced to a mere “We fell apart!”

Friday, January 30, 2015


One month down 2015, I have a resolution for myself. With everything happening around me, it suddenly dawned that everything will keep happening…no matter what!

But for myself, for the dreams that I have (and those that I killed), I will take travel seriously. Seriously. This year. And as long as I live.

Cool…isn’t it? To live to travel. What say?