10 साल बाद...

While people write mushy status updates and “my life would have been incomplete without you” quotes, I will save that for later (perhaps when I need to write a feel-good blog to make myself believe I am happy).

Today – when my mind is about to burst (thanks to endless work calls and a never-ending to-do list), I wanted to remind myself of something important.

It’s been almost 10 years of being in an arranged marriage. Where my "love" is reflected (or so I say every time my hubby complains) in the daily routine of ensuring everything – from our daughter to sofa cushions, tax documents, groceries, bill payments, and the family’s happiness - is taken care of perfectly.

Cost? An anti-stress pill at the end of the day! Sometimes, 5-10 minutes of crying my heart out. 

Reward? Satisfaction of not giving up yet. Sukoon... of people whom God chose to be in my life. Waking up to non-eventful days – every day!

But…In between everything, I did something I had wanted to do for a long time.

Booked tickets for Puri.

What’s the big deal?

Well…

As a kid, I used to frequent Puri. Though not a big believer in God, I always felt that the Lord listens to whatever I want in earnest.

The last time I went to Puri was in 2012. Six months before my marriage, when I did not even meet my husband. But in my heart, I did know I would soon get married.

Did I pray for a good husband and happy marriage?

NO! I couldn't care less about it! 

I prayed – May the Lord give us enough courage to let go of our love – and survive it. Not for myself – I prayed for the one I loved. And left. Without any explanation. Left him to believe whatever makes it easy to survive.

And my prayers worked! 😊

I don’t know if he is happy. But he survived. And so did I.

Why am I writing about it?

Just to ensure that whenever I feel no one loves me (which is probably not true) or don’t want to see another day – this post will remind me that I have had my share of selfless love.

A love that filled me to the brim, which I felt only in retrospect. A love so filling that even if I give it all, I will still have my heart full. So now, it's my turn to pay back to the universe. 

Thank you! For carrying me through all these years.

So…this will be a “say hi to Jagannath” trip. And a silent prayer, hoping the love that holds my sanity keeps me going and growing till I say bye to life.