On the edge of happiness...

Unnoticed, perhaps half forgotten…he stays. Within me. In happiness and health. In sadness and frustration. In hook-ups and break-ups. And occasionally, even in suicidal thoughts. I have lost count of the years…the first conversation…my first experience of ‘being glued to the computer screen’. When laptop was a prized possession…my profile…even more. Word-waves walked away to lose its way in the sun. Words mean ‘ME’! Well…you can say… I am the distance between your home and the world outside… the sound of throwing a pebble in the water… That’s “ME”. The ‘me’ he fell for, yearned for, or so I thought. When we weaved a world of ours in there, where we would spend hours knowing each other, defying time and space. But… Destiny would have it otherwise. Separated in reality, we are still within each other. Sometimes in a smile, sometimes in the tune I hum…sometimes in the recent visitors list. We did let go of each other. In parts, we gave ourselves away to the

One weird day…when the weather screams at you: “Get out of your cubicle moron…” your husband orders (and then requests) not to bunk office, your manager has to leave early, hence you stay late by default. And to top it all, you miss your best friend like hell… all you need is a hug! You just want to go out with your BFF and do mad things, get drunk, sleep over, and wake up next morning with a headache. But… Life sometimes looks screwed…though it might not be. Sometimes I wonder, where did those days go? When I could do all I wanted to…choose where and with whom I want to be! Not that I miss my freedom, for I have that! But I miss not being answerable or tied up with obligations – of being a good daughter, daughter-in-law, and wife. I miss being me I loved, who did not care about the world. That me who my husband has never met, and perhaps never will. Because yesterday I lived like there is no tomorrow… Today I live like tomorrow is all I have… Time to

Of late, am back being myself. Reading a lot of stuffs I missed! “Smiled a goodbye to the man she loved the most. Left her heart ruthlessly at the airport door. She’d found the exit. Never found the way out.”                                        "Here she is, happily tying the knot.  Thinking she is over him.  Unaware that her wedding night’s bed is adorned with his favorite mayflower." - And that was just the start. What she doesn't know is that she'd see him as a part of something or the other everyday. The colors of her new home, how he had preferred red textured walls to the yellows, how he had always loved purple curtains and her husband's black shirt, how he had one but with white button. Every single thing will take her back to those moments she holds so dearly but craves to forget. - Past memories are up against her future promises. And as always, past would win. Emotions penned down. Pain remains. Of late, am back be

A year and some more days later, my hubby realized I am a little ‘weird’ than the women he has met (or dated) before. And am happy to hear that. Last evening our conversation started with why I don’t want to change my surname. Though he respects me for what I am, sometimes he behaves like a ‘guy’. So I had to explain the why without fight. His reason was societal – everybody happily does! Mine was logical – why should I? I asked him to do a simple exercise, and agreed if he does this for a week – I will officially change my surname. Asked him to write his name 100 times on a paper daily – with MY surname and NOT HIS. If he can do this for a week without a flinch, I will change my surname. He promptly disagreed – how can he do that? Though he is as married as I am (sometimes more, because he adjusts most of the time to accommodate my whims)…he can’t imagine a changed surname. My logic was laid bare – if he can’t do it just for a week, how does he expect me to do it my

“On the highway to life, we most often recognize happiness out of the rear-view mirror.” On an otherwise boring workday, I decided to take a break from my equally boring (or highly satisfying, as other people see it) routine life and give in to my impulsive nature which has long been caged, courtesy no midnight ice-creams, no midnight rides (and/or drives), Go Goa craziness, and other general madness. Marriage binds you, in ways more than one. Even when you have the most understanding spouse! More on that later…. So, a couple of WhatsApp pings and reviews later, I booked a ticket for Highway. 10 minutes into the movie, I felt it’s a slice of life being portrayed. Remembered all the times I have eloped from home, quit my job to do a backpack travel alone, switched off my phone sipping drink and reading on a beach, made new friends over the counter, roamed around aimlessly, checked-in a hotel at my hometown and lived there (not at my home), fell in love with a complete strang

People often ask me, how does it feel to be married? Honestly... Feels great! To realize...before marriage, one full bottle vodka high, you scribbled some of the best musings. After, you just bang your laptop shut. After all, being happy is all about loving. The life you have. Not the one you could have had!