perhaps...

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Come Monday…and I am in this peculiar mood. No idea why, no idea since when. Added to this is a sudden comment from an old classmate: “Why have you become so pessimistic of late?” which made me wonder: Have I?



Coming back to my randomness, just realized 57 days left for Pujas. And am not that excited! Though people back home are, with my mom reminding me at regular intervals hoping that I would be at home during the festival. Nothing wrong with that, I mean wanting that their only daughter will be at home. And all I could do was tell her, “Will try Maa”, followed by dad muttering under his breath: “She can come back and look for jobs here naa!! As if people don’t work here!” to which my answer is always the same: “I don’t want to! I need to do what I want…please”.

That reminds me, one of my colleagues was shocked to know I am a Bengali. She couldn’t bring herself to believe that I am a Bong. I look like everything but a Bong! And I smiled…kinda used to it. Even I am used to not being so Bong…perhaps that’s why I still think before going back to the city when everybody I know yearns to. All my friends inevitably come up with some emergencies for leave during Pujas, and I wonder why! Non-Bong magic!

Last night I was up till late, and for a change was talking to my mom. Till 3 in the morning, with mom reminding me that I have office today and need to sleep. Wonder how she would react if she knows that sleeping at 3 has been the order of my day (or night) for the past couple of years.

We were, rather she was talking of marriage. A friend of mine got married yesterday, which brought the obvious warning! More than the warning, threat! And what followed is her plans…right from decorations to clothes to parlor to the invitation list…God…she has it everything planned. I was amazed…and couldn’t help but tell her, “Maa…do you realize there has to be a guy who I need to marry?” to which her answer was: “yeah…but these needs to be planned”

Couldn’t help but smile…and wonder! I always wanted it to be a quiet one, but listening to her yesterday made me realize once more, it’s more about them than it’s about me. Made me realize, the day she held me in her hands for the first time, perhaps she thought of my marriage…a dream one. Perhaps she has saved all her dreams…little and big…for years…for this day of my life…

Perhaps life is more about spreading the smile…
Perhaps that smile on their face every time I give them a surprise is all that I look forward to…
Perhaps I have hurt them every time I disobeyed them…but they smiled for my happiness…
Perhaps every time I succeeded, they were happier than me…
Perhaps every time I failed, it hurt them more than it did me…

And now…
Perhaps I know the meaning of that sad yet happy smile on my dad’s face when he saw me wearing a saree for the first time…



P.S.: Though I hate the crowd that Kolkata has during Pujas, I will try to go back to the city this time. If not for anything, for the joy that it would bring to my family! I honestly will try! :-) 

Comments

Anonymous said…
As if i saw a glimpse of old Sulu.... without mincing my words which anwaz i can never do how hard i try... It touched me :)... Gonna hv fun mayb simple 1, but will have..
August 17, 2010 at 12:12 AM
Anonymous said…
Anonymous ta.....its me Sush
August 17, 2010 at 12:14 AM
moon.attic said…
Yup...here u can get a glimpse of the old me...anytime of the year :-)
August 17, 2010 at 12:25 AM
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