WHY?

Well…this had to come! Just to ensure that I do not lose my concentration and finish off some important work that I am in the middle of, this had to come!

Past few days (or is it weeks now) have been good. With a desire to make this my year whatever it takes, things are happening the way I want them to happen. Professionally…YES! I kind of have an idea of what I want and where do I want to go, sort of a road map ready with a back-up plan of course! So it’s kind of just sitting back and watching things happen. And cutting off all the craps that people around has to say. I decided to turn deaf to the many well-wishers that I have. And pass them off with a smile. Helps! When you know where you want to go, makes sense to smile at those ‘concerned people’ around you.

To begin with, I have stopped (or still trying to) tripping on my past. Living life by moments! For one thing, it is making me smile. Though am not too sure about the longevity of it, nevertheless, so far, so good.

Last night I went to sleep with a strange realization. What matters in life are just two things – waking up in the morning with a reason to smile…and going to bed tired but happy and content! For past couple of days, every morning brings a smile on my face that I carry the whole day. And just when I feel tired, life smiles back with some odd jokes to share. And I smile back. In my sleep!

So…happy I am! Was talking to someone last night (what do I call him? A friend…mentor…or someone who knows me well enough to say ‘who are you trying to fool’)… and suddenly everything seemed possible. This happens, you know! You talk to someone who knows you and you start getting confidence to solve the puzzle of your life. Just seeing someone having confidence and that trust in you reinforces your believe in yourself…gives you that adrenaline rush to be a go-getter. And somehow, every time when I feel ‘this is not happening’, I have some people around who makes me realize “if not for myself, I should give this a try for the confidence they have in me”…and I go back to sleep with a content ‘I’ll do it’ heart.

Am still smiling! Last night I convinced my mom that life is more than just the thought of getting hitched…unless you are in love or unhappy being officially single. She gave in to that! Not that she had much of a choice. She just asked me why do I run away from it. My answer was: because I still don’t find someone who’ll make me run into it.

Which made me think…what am I up to? Scared? Commitment-phobic? Love less? Or just loving the life I am living? Or something I have no clue of?

Coming back to the smile! In between work, I just had enough time to read some random bookmarked page out of habit. And smiled again…at life! It came as a surprise…but then life is always a surprise. I could feel the pain in that scribbling (or write-up…whatever you call it)…and that made me smile!

So…just decided to dump my smile here and get back to work. Wondering why did I write all these?

(Someone told me to ask myself ‘why’ often! Even when I don’t have an answer!)