Of Spaces…

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When I told my mom that my ex-roomy is coming over from Dubai for a vacation, her first assumption was Hyderabad is a halt before she goes to Kolkata to meet her parents and in-laws. But the fact that she won’t be in Kolkata and will be spending her 10-day vacation in Hyderabad with her friends came as a shock to her.

Leaving her 8-month old hubby (that he is 3-year old boyfriend as well is another question) back in Dubai just to spend time with her friends will come as a shock to many. And the fact that her hubby has planned this vacation for her, neatly packed gifts and liters of tequila for her friends would be more shocking. But is it?

To me, it’s more of giving space to each other. Understanding the fact that the concept two-souls-as-one is Utopian and each person is an individual before being a spouse. Each will have their own set of friends, likes and dislikes. It’s more of respecting the individualism and trusting the other person enough to let go.

Coming to think of it, love, to me is more of accepting differences than being blind to see the other person as ‘cute’ and ‘sweet’. Giving enough space to let the relationship breathe, yet making sure that it does not become a distance.

I know this idea is enough to freak out many sane people. The other day, a college friend called me to invite for her marriage in December. She also excitedly informed of her vacation to Visakhapatnam, and typical of me, I told her to enjoy with him…this is the time when love blossoms. The ‘him’ part of my statement made her freak out and say: “have you gone crazy?” and made me wonder what’s crazy in it? Isn’t that the most natural conclusion anyone would jump into?

Perhaps not! People still live in a different era, where license to being close is not being in love but being married; hugging the person you are dating (or even a friend) raises eye-brow; giving space means letting your spouse sleep in a different room if you fight or letting her go shopping with her girl-gang if you are busy; and going out on midnight is only for spoilt brats.

Thankfully, not all people live in this era. And am happy to have such un-era-tic people in my life! A lot of them… who finds it perfectly normal to hang out all night, go for a vacation with friends and even boyfriend, hug a friend in public.

And who understands that breathing space keeps a relationship healthy. Love is not all about being a shadow; it’s about making the other person realize that you don’t always need someone to accompany you for everything you do. It’s about helping them being complete…


(Though my mom calls me different because I don’t look at things like other people do, I know there are many people who think exactly as I do. And that’s a big relief. To know there are people to support your crazy way of looking at things)

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