To-dos to-be loved!

How many times have you overheard your boy friend cribbing about girls, and giving you a “you caught me on the wrong side baby, that wasn’t for you darling” smile when he realized you overhearing?

I often think – is there something girls can do to make them not complain? Or at least see them really happy being in a relationship (like most girls are. No matter how much they fight, you will see a girl flaunting ‘he did this for me’ often)?

So, here goes some quirky observations that I thought might help girls be better friends (before being girl friend):

1.       Give space: This is the thumb rule. Ask him for time, but don’t be demanding. Don’t expect him to be yours 24x7. Remember, he also has a life of his own. He needs his own space to think and do ‘nothing’, just as you need.

2.       Freedom: Don’t chain him. It’s important to realize that he needs his gang to chill out. Remember, ‘missed you so much baby’ can’t make a guy unwind as much as ‘abey yaar! Kya mast ladki thi’ does.

3.       Trust him: Just because you caught him eyeing somebody else doesn’t mean he has lost all his interest in you. Don’t stalk his inbox. Trust him to be yours. It’s okay to be possessive, but don’t let that be suspicion. You would know when he loses interest in you, but before that, chill!

4.       Don’t nag: Yes, girls have this tendency to nag. Ask for small details like ‘why didn’t you have dinner yet?’, ‘again Maggi for dinner?’ Remember, if he survived on Maggi before you came in his life, he can survive now as well. It’s okay to ask once in a while to show you care, but don’t let that turn into his ‘Shit! She will again start nagging’ thought.

5.       Realize he is responsible: While we end up pointing mistakes, and ‘you didn’t do this’, try appreciating that he is responsible. Don’t complain that he went out with his friends, but appreciate that he called you to remind of a bill that you forgot to pay. Or he didn’t indulge in binge drinking at the party, just because he had to drive you back home.

6.       Value ‘his’ time: Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t make his weekend yours. It’s important that he gives time to you, but it’s equally important he has his own time. The best way is to let him have a day all for himself (and you wont interfere!) even before he asks for it. Trust me, he will love it (and make up for it by taking you out on a weekday).

7.       Be courteous to his friends: While he will introduce you to most of his friends, make sure you don’t flirt with them. Be courteous, but that’s it (unless he is a common friend). Just as you won’t like to see him flirting with your friends, he won’t either.

8.       Don’t let your gang bore him: While most guys won’t get bored in the company of your ‘hot’ girl gang, they might feel G-talks to be too naïve. If you realize your guy is getting bored, give him that space to leave. Don’t force him to come with you just because you want to flaunt you have a boy friend.

9.       Respect his work: Understand he will have work pressure. You might have to cancel vacation at times. Don’t blame him. Be with him when he is over-worked (and stressed). What he needs most is you to understand that he is doing it for the future, and not you complaining that he doesn’t have time for you.

10.   Respect his past: He has a past, just as you have. Accept it. Guys are more open when it comes to sharing their past than any girl would ever be. So don’t over imagine things, they only ruin your present. And if you happen to meet his ex, give her a warm smile. Remember, she taught your man the magic of love at some point of his life. And don’t be insecure, there must be a reason they didn’t make it to the future.

11.   Fight to love: Its okay to disagree, but don’t carry an argument forever. Fight over it, and get over it. And don’t bring in ‘I remember what you did last summer’ lines in between love.

12.   Respect his individuality: The concept of ‘two souls becoming one’ sounds romantic, but realize he is an individual before being your boy friend. He might dislike what you like (and vice versa), so let him be himself. And be happy being yourself.

13.   Love him: It’s okay to pout to be pampered, but make him feel loved. It’s okay to complain occasionally that he doesn’t give you enough time, but while he is around, make sure you make him feel important.

14.   Hug him: Might sound cheesy, but occasional hugs can do wonders. It might seem guys don’t need displays of affection as much as girls do, but I haven’t heard any guy complaining about that either. So feel free to run to him and give him a warm hug.

15.   Oops! Almost forgot! Don’t write long letters and emails. Most guys hate it. KISS (keep it short and sweet) if you must, or just state it out. They would appreciate you saving them the pain of reading your letter (in between the lines), understanding it, and then replying to it.

(Note: This works only for guys who respect you, love you, and give you the space you need. For MCPs, just give a damn and continue bugging them. Trust me, they are worth it!)

Guys (and girls), feel free to agree/disagree/ add on to the list/comment/ share your experiences.  Would love to hear you!

Note of thanks: To all my friends who complain about their girl friends. To those who do not. And to that person who knows I hardly practice most of the above points.