Just another eve...

Another year sees its end. Much like all others! End of a year of haves and have-nots, surprises and dejections, smiles and tears…another year of moving on. About to witness another dusk, with couple of new year bashes already planned, a sudden realization dawns in – do I really want to spend the year eve pubbing, bon-firing, or even faking plastic smiles?

Which brought me those set of Questions that I ask myself often – when was the last time I did something I really wanted to do on New Year eve? Not anytime I remember. While a close friend of mine was persuading me to come down to Kolkata for a house party, reminding me of a promise I made a year back, I had hard time thinking of the excuses. Given he is he, someone who knows me well enough to buy excuses, he ended up saying: why don’t you say you don’t want to come because you don’t care!

Which made me realize, do I really? I do care for him enough, but is that enough to make me die to spend the eve partying with him? And if not him, or any such close friends, is there anyone who I really want to spend the eve with? Some friends, some friends of friends, some acquaintances…good company for sure! But if they stop being in my life tomorrow, will it make any difference? Except for a couple of them, the answer is NO. And if no, then why spend the beginning of year doing something that would not make much difference in my life?

Not that I am being unsocial (though my mom fears I am being one), but honestly, I would rather spend it all by myself, reading, watching movies, blogging, or whatever…maybe doing nothing. Things that I keep postponing for ages for other important things, sometimes people. Or if it calls for being social, maybe spend some time with people I don’t even now, even if that means smiling at an unknown kid! At times that smile is more honest than those that I pass at known faces.

But then, do we really get to do what we want to do? Aren’t we expected to behave in a certain responsible way?

But…given this is perhaps the last New Year eve I’ll have for myself, why not spend it with just myself? If one of my resolution is to be myself, what better time than now? One eve in the company of that person who I love most, who I know will never leave me, is that too much to ask for from life?

Or is it being too selfish or unsocial?