On the edge of happiness...

1:00 PM. Wednesday. And am still on my way to office. Smiling. No, I don’t love my job. Don’t hate it either. But I love the flexibility that comes with it. And the drive. In a metro like NCR, where I choose to drive 50kms one-way daily to work, people often ask me – why? My answers vary depending on my mood. Sometimes my husband is not willing to relocate from Gurgaon. Sometimes, it is the ‘us’ time we get that helps us bond better. Sometimes, NOIDA is too crowded. Sometimes, what if I decide to take up a new job in Gurgaon? What I don’t reveal is the obvious – I love driving. Yes. Everyday. In Delhi. Most days we (my husband and me) travel separately. Which leaves me with myself, my car, and my favorite songs on the loop. And my timings (to start the day) being rather flexible, I get those 4-hours of ‘me’ time. And on days we travel together, I love taking detours to try a new food joint, or to explore new routes. Cribbing about work pressure, of course, comes f...

Have you ever wondered when, and why does someone become your best friend? And share a place in your life that no one else, perhaps not even your spouse does? Someone who understands you more than anyone else does. And even in fights, you know s/he loves you. Not the run-of-the-mill kind of passionate love, but a love that you know will always be with you. Even when you’re out of touch for months. This post is about my best friend… someone who I referred to indirectly in this blog often. Where do I begin? The first time we met? Or when we realized we are best buddies? 2003, I met him. First day of college, we shared an orange candy. He, obviously, had his eyes on a cute classmate already. To me, he was just another classmate then. What followed was 3 years of adda, bunking classes for movies and theaters, endless gossips and phone calls. Discussions from Eliot to Freud. Study plans. We were just like any other friend. Though I never realized why his girlfriend h...

Does the past still hurt? I guess pain subsides! Are you happy with me? I don’t cry often now. Don’t you think you’ve changed? No, I have outgrown my teenage romantic self. Do you love me? Shall we go for a drive? I need a smoke. And an ice-cream.

I grew up listening to Cinderella, Rapunzel and many other tales of happily ever after and believed that life would be perfect if I could wear a pretty dress and hold your gaze forever. These stories never told me that there will be misunderstandings, arguments, pain, tears, and sometimes even goodbyes. When I grew up, I realized that glass slippers can, in fact, bruise your feet.  I also realized that men don’t give you stars in your eyes. That’s what Vodka is for. I don’t want to be rescued by you every time life is a bitch to me because frankly, I can handle it. But, listen to me when I painfully describe every problem and forgive me if I don’t stop to ask for your opinion. Because more often than not, I don’t seek your opinion. I don’t want a fairy tale ending with you because my life is already complete . I am over the days when Disney made me stay awake with stars in my eyes waiting for a man to complete my life. And life has taught me that first kis...

One month down 2015, I have a resolution for myself. With everything happening around me, it suddenly dawned that everything will keep happening…no matter what! But for myself, for the dreams that I have (and those that I killed), I will take travel seriously. Seriously. This year. And as long as I live. Cool…isn’t it? To live to travel. What say?

Unnoticed, perhaps half forgotten…he stays. Within me. In happiness and health. In sadness and frustration. In hook-ups and break-ups. And occasionally, even in suicidal thoughts. I have lost count of the years…the first conversation…my first experience of ‘being glued to the computer screen’. When laptop was a prized possession…my profile…even more. Word-waves walked away to lose its way in the sun. Words mean ‘ME’! Well…you can say… I am the distance between your home and the world outside… the sound of throwing a pebble in the water… That’s “ME”. The ‘me’ he fell for, yearned for, or so I thought. When we weaved a world of ours in there, where we would spend hours knowing each other, defying time and space. But… Destiny would have it otherwise. Separated in reality, we are still within each other. Sometimes in a smile, sometimes in the tune I hum…sometimes in the recent visitors list. We did let go of each other. In parts, we gave ourselves away to the ...

One weird day…when the weather screams at you: “Get out of your cubicle moron…” your husband orders (and then requests) not to bunk office, your manager has to leave early, hence you stay late by default. And to top it all, you miss your best friend like hell… all you need is a hug! You just want to go out with your BFF and do mad things, get drunk, sleep over, and wake up next morning with a headache. But… Life sometimes looks screwed…though it might not be. Sometimes I wonder, where did those days go? When I could do all I wanted to…choose where and with whom I want to be! Not that I miss my freedom, for I have that! But I miss not being answerable or tied up with obligations – of being a good daughter, daughter-in-law, and wife. I miss being me I loved, who did not care about the world. That me who my husband has never met, and perhaps never will. Because yesterday I lived like there is no tomorrow… Today I live like tomorrow is all I have… Time to...

Of late, am back being myself. Reading a lot of stuffs I missed! “Smiled a goodbye to the man she loved the most. Left her heart ruthlessly at the airport door. She’d found the exit. Never found the way out.”                                        "Here she is, happily tying the knot.  Thinking she is over him.  Unaware that her wedding night’s bed is adorned with his favorite mayflower." - And that was just the start. What she doesn't know is that she'd see him as a part of something or the other everyday. The colors of her new home, how he had preferred red textured walls to the yellows, how he had always loved purple curtains and her husband's black shirt, how he had one but with white button. Every single thing will take her back to those moments she holds so dearly but craves to forget. - Past memories are up against her future promises. And as...

A year and some more days later, my hubby realized I am a little ‘weird’ than the women he has met (or dated) before. And am happy to hear that. Last evening our conversation started with why I don’t want to change my surname. Though he respects me for what I am, sometimes he behaves like a ‘guy’. So I had to explain the why without fight. His reason was societal – everybody happily does! Mine was logical – why should I? I asked him to do a simple exercise, and agreed if he does this for a week – I will officially change my surname. Asked him to write his name 100 times on a paper daily – with MY surname and NOT HIS. If he can do this for a week without a flinch, I will change my surname. He promptly disagreed – how can he do that? Though he is as married as I am (sometimes more, because he adjusts most of the time to accommodate my whims)…he can’t imagine a changed surname. My logic was laid bare – if he can’t do it just for a week, how does he expect me to do it my ...

“On the highway to life, we most often recognize happiness out of the rear-view mirror.” On an otherwise boring workday, I decided to take a break from my equally boring (or highly satisfying, as other people see it) routine life and give in to my impulsive nature which has long been caged, courtesy no midnight ice-creams, no midnight rides (and/or drives), Go Goa craziness, and other general madness. Marriage binds you, in ways more than one. Even when you have the most understanding spouse! More on that later…. So, a couple of WhatsApp pings and reviews later, I booked a ticket for Highway. 10 minutes into the movie, I felt it’s a slice of life being portrayed. Remembered all the times I have eloped from home, quit my job to do a backpack travel alone, switched off my phone sipping drink and reading on a beach, made new friends over the counter, roamed around aimlessly, checked-in a hotel at my hometown and lived there (not at my home), fell in love with a complete strang...