A collection of little lives, each lived one day at a time…
Sometimes, on good days, for falling in love
And on other days, thinking of the love that could have been there.
Almost.
Months back (or is it years now?) I wrote somewhere, “Naming certain relationships complicate life. So don’t!” From then on, and even before that, I believed in it. And now when I look back, I see more unnamed relationships than named. Not that I can’t give them a name, but I choose not to. Of course, to look at it, all of us have the convenient blanket term ‘friend’ to name it. But somewhere deep down inside, I do know that ‘friend’ does not state it all. Who do I call a friend? Someone who I have been interacting with regularly, share my thoughts and emotions with, or just go out shopping when I have nothing better to do. Or just some random people I say “What’s up dude? Have been thinking of you/ missing you…”? That reminds me…ever thought how “miss you too” is different from “miss you”? It is…trust me! How about missing a habit? As simple as the habit of talking to someone/ about something for hours! Do you miss the person or the habit if it’s curtailed one fine day? Or is it ...
Trust, do I? Don’t know for sure, but guess trusting people doesn’t come easy to me. No, don’t get me wrong, what I mean is trusting people with my secrets doesn’t come easy. Or should I say, I can’t. What I think is only ‘my’ thought, a no-entry zone for everyone, be it anyone. More of you are free to share your thoughts with me, but when it comes to me sharing, consider yourself lucky even if you know 50% of what I am thinking. Not usual thoughts, but thoughts that I really think. Another reason I easily come across as extrovert to anyone I meet (well…almost). I say I think loud, which makes anyone believe I am an open book. On the contrary, am a password protected PDF. Works well for me. But deep down inside, I wonder why is it so? Am I scared of people breaking my trust? Or is it I love keeping things to myself, scared of giving out things? If I have to count on people I can trust on, I can just count on two. One of whom doesn’t exist in reality, which leaves me with only one....
As another year comes to an end, time for resolution again! Over the past few weeks, I have been thinking what is it that I need to consciously work on! From being more social to emotion management, thoughts have been myriad, making me realize if there is something I need to focus on most, it is letting go ! Letting go of past, memories, dead relationships, people who doesn’t matter anymore, email conversations, gifted songs, recorded voices, greetings, old tees, restaurant bills …the list is endless! I always assumed holding on to my present is much easier because I have an ‘ideal could have been’ in my mind. But then, I hear of death of a distant family, one that has moved my parents a lot, and oddly, did not move me at all. Which brought me back to something my best friend shared sometime back (I quote him here): “It was a fun evening yesterday ...Going out with some of the favorite people on the beat. It was also the evening which brought death in the family...yet a...
Comments