The T Factor,,,

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Trust, do I? Don’t know for sure, but guess trusting people doesn’t come easy to me. No, don’t get me wrong, what I mean is trusting people with my secrets doesn’t come easy. Or should I say, I can’t. What I think is only ‘my’ thought, a no-entry zone for everyone, be it anyone. More of you are free to share your thoughts with me, but when it comes to me sharing, consider yourself lucky even if you know 50% of what I am thinking. Not usual thoughts, but thoughts that I really think.

Another reason I easily come across as extrovert to anyone I meet (well…almost). I say I think loud, which makes anyone believe I am an open book. On the contrary, am a password protected PDF. Works well for me. But deep down inside, I wonder why is it so? Am I scared of people breaking my trust? Or is it I love keeping things to myself, scared of giving out things?

If I have to count on people I can trust on, I can just count on two. One of whom doesn’t exist in reality, which leaves me with only one. But I am happier sharing with the one who doesn’t exist in reality, because since s/he doesn’t exist, there is no way s/he can give away my secrets. The other one is more of an ideal, who is so like me that I can trust him with my life. Knowing that he would understand and keep it to himself no matter what! But then again, in spite of he being my best confidant, there are certain things you can’t share with your cousin.

And that leaves me with I. I, me, myself! Making myself the most trustworthy friend I can have. Because, somewhere deep down, I believe I can never ever leave myself, ditch myself. And am happy that way! 

But what bother me is people around who cares for me. People who want to know what’s wrong, and I make them feel, ‘Get lost, you have no right to know!’ They do have right to know, I understand! Just that I can’t help being myself, trust people blindly with things that matter to me the most doesn’t come to me.

I know I need to change, but how is the question! Hope I figure out the ‘how’ soon.

Comments

Elina said…
so far I believe it is more like - I like to keep my door shut and I don't keep it unnecessary wide open. So far this is a great trait, specially when you are not making the other people realize about the glass wall around, very few can do that. And people occasionally seeing the other way around part are those who may understand you. It works out this way, and works out for all. You , me and all.
May 23, 2011 at 9:52 PM
moon.attic said…
Right you are...it's just a glass door, closed. ANd since it's a saint gobain's glass, people don't even know it exists
May 24, 2011 at 4:22 PM
Anonymous said…
U dont need to change at all mate! honestly. A person who can live with all his/her secrets fears desires or wat so ever it may be happens to be one of da most strongest personalities and has a beautiful heart. U will never need an emotional walking stick in ur life and Ud be an emotional walking stick for a lot of people in ur span of life. as secrets are concerned the insecurity does not come with letting them out but how far the other person would be able to understand and relate with it. Unfortunately such kind of people are rare! If u ever felt k people who want to know from u and uv made them feel 'fuck off' then I think they really dint wanted to know from their heart. they would nvr get those sort of inferior feelings if they would have thought frm their heart.
November 27, 2011 at 8:27 PM
moon.attic said…
It's more of I, me, myself mode...where you give an impression of being an open book, while in reality its a password protected PDF :)
November 27, 2011 at 8:35 PM
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