a night of Love...

By

On some nights I just have myself for company. Nights when I am too numb to feel anything, even love! Or care. An unexplainable feeling, not of sadness or loneliness... but of plunging deep! A strange feeling of being nobody! A night when all I want is to end a story that never started. When all I have to give is a fossiled me! When I drift away to a wonderland that never existed.

Such nights are few and far between, but they do come. At regular intervals! Till the Cheshire cat asks me which road to take?

And I am clueless. All roads lead me away from my wonderland. All roads make me realize I have become an expert in faking smile…and even happiness.

Nights when I feel I have no love left to love. No dreams left to be wilted.

Will you love me on such a night? Will you still hold me tight as I reconsider being yours?

You might. You might not. But I love myself the most on such nights.  

Comments

aakash said…
I can totally relate to the notion.
These are the times when we connect to the otherwise shut self of ours. And though it seems dark and numb, but it's comforting, those hours spent with solitude.

aJ
September 4, 2011 at 2:52 PM
moon.attic said…
Bet it's comforting Aakash. Though the feeling after you are out of it is strange...wanting to hold on to something knowing nothing is really yours...such psychological rehabs at regular intervals cleanse our inner selves
September 4, 2011 at 6:08 PM
Anonymous said…
Undoubtedly its a neat thought which is put across immaterially. U r an artist of portraying thoughts dat runs deep down under. I wonder how many people can even understand such feelings they are going through! well, sulagna probably God also doesnt have an answer to ur anxiety, normally its difficult for others to understand deep down under or inside out. but as I said in my earlier post, if one is able to relate or happens to be sharing some what same sphere, then trust me Ull get the Love much more than U think or imagine.
November 27, 2011 at 8:42 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Names unnamed!

By
Image
Months back (or is it years now?) I wrote somewhere, “Naming certain relationships complicate life. So don’t!” From then on, and even before that, I believed in it. And now when I look back, I see more unnamed relationships than named. Not that I can’t give them a name, but I choose not to. Of course, to look at it, all of us have the convenient blanket term ‘friend’ to name it. But somewhere deep down inside, I do know that ‘friend’ does not state it all. Who do I call a friend? Someone who I have been interacting with regularly, share my thoughts and emotions with, or just go out shopping when I have nothing better to do. Or just some random people I say “What’s up dude? Have been thinking of you/ missing you…”? That reminds me…ever thought how “miss you too” is different from “miss you”? It is…trust me! How about missing a habit? As simple as the habit of talking to someone/ about something for hours! Do you miss the person or the habit if it’s curtailed one fine day? Or is it
Read more

Irons and Ironies...

By
Image
A lazy Saturday…with an unexplainable feeling of “donno what’s wrong”…or perhaps I do! Making me wonder, is sudden ‘the number you are trying to call is switched off’ enough to let my mind wander and wonder the whole night? Enough to wake up late with a bad migraine! And wanting to fast forward to Monday…so that I can find myself busy working. They say an idle brain is a devil’s workshop, and the devil that I am, my idle brain almost attains the level of being a perfectionist devil when it gets a chance. With some old songs playing over and over again , a chord suddenly stuck my mind. Attachment phobia! Was discussing the same with someone a few days back, advising rather. Only to end up with the realization I do not practice what I preach. Strange as it may seem, I don’t even miss the city I grew up in as much as I should. Miss those people in the city. NO! At times it feels good to think that I miss, but I don’t. I keep finding reasons to miss, make myself believe that I do, b
Read more

the Questions…

By
Did anyone ever tell me that I would miss my home awfully much? Did anyone ever teach me what to do when on a certain evening the city-I-grew-up-in would whisper deafeningly my name? Have I done so much, grown up so much…that returning to where I come from scares me? Am I aware that I am away for so long …that family is a planned appointment? Was I aware that I am such a different person at work that I no longer remember what I wanted to be at 6? Was I aware that the song that my mom would sing to me when I was a kid is not on my iPod? Have I ever imagined that I can spend an entire afternoon alone? Have I ever imagined that I would wait for rain-walk…and can laugh for no reason at all? Have I ever noticed before when watching the rains that the coconut fronds dance? When was the last time I learnt the best lesson of my life? Was it when dad taught me ‘confusing tense’ at the bus stop? Or was it when ma told me not to talk to strange men before I left the house? W
Read more