On the edge of happiness...

Trust, do I? Don’t know for sure, but guess trusting people doesn’t come easy to me. No, don’t get me wrong, what I mean is trusting people with my secrets doesn’t come easy. Or should I say, I can’t. What I think is only ‘my’ thought, a no-entry zone for everyone, be it anyone. More of you are free to share your thoughts with me, but when it comes to me sharing, consider yourself lucky even if you know 50% of what I am thinking. Not usual thoughts, but thoughts that I really think. Another reason I easily come across as extrovert to anyone I meet (well…almost). I say I think loud, which makes anyone believe I am an open book. On the contrary, am a password protected PDF. Works well for me. But deep down inside, I wonder why is it so? Am I scared of people breaking my trust? Or is it I love keeping things to myself, scared of giving out things? If I have to count on people I can trust on, I can just count on two. One of whom doesn’t exist in reality, which leaves me with only one....

When Nandan is not just about good movies, when the bhelpuri might be a little more sour than you usually prefer but it just doesn't matter, when you would gladly buy one Cornetto rather than two, when none of the Archies' or Hallmark cards seem to say what you want to say, when you feel happy just like that, when you believe there is something magical in the air, when you can stand on the roof and count the stars, when walking in the rain is an experience, when one of the most important thing you do at office is miss him, when talking about the worst day ever is not bad afterall, when you don't always need words to say something, when the heat and the pollution becomes bearable because someone is walking by your side, when you try to find out what's so interesting about cricket, when a touch of his hand is all that you need when nothing seems to be going right, when you want to hold on to every moment of the dream, when you don't want to wake up as yet, when you h...

Have been long enough that I really posted anything. Well, 10 days is long enough (and my last post was almost a Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V) for someone who finds something crappy to write about every minute. So…here again I go… Oops! Before I begin, I wanted to thank a friend of mine for being what he is! For being mature enough to nail facts straight into my head. I kept wondering while he was doing this, ‘Why did he have to do this?’ But now the duffer in me realized it all. And realized everybody comes to our life for a reason, and I found a reason for having him in my life. And am thankful that he is there…a friend in the true sense of the term! Which made me think, how relationships evolve. We started on the note of being a stranger, found common interest to talk about (and trust me, there were hell lot of them, almost freaking us out!), became awesome friends (thanks to our boredom and common interest), kept talking for hours (literally almost all the waking hours) and never ran out of t...

I just want to be kissed in the rain. I just want to be held when I cry. I just want to be his first text message of the day. I just want to be grabbed around the waist and kissed on the cheek. I just want my hand to be held by his. I just want to be told he loves me when he really means it. I just want to be the first thing he thinks of when he wakes up and the last thing on his mind when he goes to sleep. Maybe am asking for too much, or am I? (Came across something like this on Facebook, and liked it.)

Another weekend, an almost normal one. Except some crazy living-life moments… moments of caring and sharing…of togetherness! With usual dose of laziness! Have been lazing around the whole day, canceling plans (some serious ones, like appointment with optometrist), having good-old-hostel favorite Maggi for lunch, home delivered dinner (Told mom that I cooked in the morning…liar me!!), watching movies, reading up, and having soul-talks. In short, wanting to be alone. And more importantly, being alone! Which brings me to the obvious question – Am I a loner? With loads of friends around, laughter and endless crazy plans, why do I suddenly shut the world out? Much like ‘I shut my eyes and the world drops dead’! Why do I feel this urge to be alone at times? Absolutely alone!   Why can’t I talk to people around (as my friends do to me, even at wee hours of the night) to sort things out that bother me? Is it because I am scared to trust people? Or I love myself too much to share my de...

"...How many loved your moments of glad grace, And loved your beauty with love false or true, But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you, And loved the sorrows of your changing face...” -            W.B. Yeats This had to happen! Just when she thought she has arranged herself and is ready for whoever her parents has to offer in the form of a perfect partner, this had to happen. Before going further, let me get down with describing her. As difficult as it is to describe her, let me at least try. Crazy, chalta-hai kinda pretty, whimsical…she is born to break the rules. Belonging to a typical upper middle class Bong family, she stepped into her teenage doing the should-not-be-dones. As she grew up, somewhere down the line she learnt to strike a balance between breaking the rules yet being the perfect apple-of-the-eye kinda daughter. She believed you are good as long as people can’t prove otherwise…and it worked. Well… deep down insid...

I woke up to the smell of the wet earth. 3:18 AM. Power cut and the smell of rain woke me up. It wasn’t like any other day. As the night sky was turning grey, I stood alone in the balcony in half light, trying to figure out the haves from the have-nots, the to-dos from the avoidable. While the streets gave in to the caressing rain, I closed my eyes to feel the cool breeze against my cheek. Heaven! April rains at wee hours of the morning. In Hyderabad. Pure bliss! The first rains of the season. Crazy at it might sound; something pulled me to the terrace. I stood there; facing the sky, with raindrops caressing me. All I realized then was life is beautiful. And I didn’t care if tomorrow never comes. I don’t need one. That was my moment of life, of feeling alive… of being me.   I took a dream-walk. To the alleys of the past, to the smiles left behind, to the half emptied coffee mugs and bookmarked pages of the poetry book. Beside the window that shared my first teenage rain. With ...

How weird can it get? When am bored to death (well almost) with nothing significant to do, a friend of mine suggested this series ‘Bored to Death’. No treat for guessing he too was getting almost bored to death, and came up with this supposedly ‘exciting’ series. And damn I, having listened to his ‘How I Met Your Mother’ advice before, am downloading this new series now! Spent the whole weekend doing nothing. Well, almost nothing. I did cook; fed people who were too lazy to cook; planned to go out and then was too lazy; listened to my mom on how marriage can be a way out of the boredom (yes…you do get to fight and annoy one people, which keeps you busy); promised a friend to find an ‘interesting’ partner for him (oh wait! I promised two friends); did a lot of introspection and the end result, as always, was zero; slept, woke up, and then slept again; reminded myself that I have to call some friends whose calls I keep missing (thanks to the weird moody me) and am still reminding myse...

For the past couple of years, as I grew up (to outgrow myself), I realized that how generous I have been with throwing affection. That makes me wonder how I have changed over the years! Or is it just I have become more liberal in my outlook towards life? A good friend of mine told me couple of years back that he still remembers the first time I addressed him ‘dear’, because that clearly suggested he crossed the threshold of being ‘one-of-the-many’ to be ‘one-of-the-few’. I smiled, and soon it surpassed ‘dear’ to be ‘darling’ and ‘sweetheart’. Now when I look back, I wonder, was it just him? I guess no! From hundreds of texts (OK…let’s take 50. That’s a more realistic number!) I exchange daily with people I call friends, at least half of them have some affection embedded (Grr…blame my job for this term!) in it. Addressing a nursery friend as sweetheart, there is nothing wrong with it, right? Or any dear friend for that matter! I guess no. Except it makes my mom freak out occasionally,...

All I did today was giving me company. In fact, all I have been doing this weekend is just that. In between being with friends, living life and enjoying as people call it, I am trying to be with myself. Another attempt to understand me! And believe me, its one hell of an almost impossible project that I have undertaken. Sort myself out that is. With the mood swings that make me alien to myself, I went back to good old Linda Goodman to reconfirm the typical Cancerian that I am. That helped. In reconfirming its typical me, but didn’t help in finding a solution.  For which I guess I would have to go back to my shell and sort it out. Logged on to FB after hours (and that’s quite unlike me). And found a song (as someone’s status update) that I have been humming the whole day. Smiled and wondered: How uncanny can this be? You keep something safe from the prying eyes of everybody, and realize somebody has known it all along. The thoughts I mean. Or somebody has been thinking along the ...