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Showing posts from 2010

Will miss you...

Forgot when it was last time that I had a New Year’s Eve plan in place. No…don’t get me wrong, its not that I intentionally tried to avoid people. It just didn’t happen! Work schedules, laziness…or blame it just to Facebook, where I am in regular touch with people I call friends. But as surprising as this year turned out to be, surprisingly I have a plan in place. In fact, a couple of them so to say! A part of me is excited to meet people I haven’t met for ages…renew old ties, another part is dreading the what-how-when-why’s that am sure would come up. Another dear part of me is silently wishing to be in my city…doing something I would have been really happy doing. The impulsive whimsical me wanted to go and give surprise to some people…its just four hours to-and-fro. But then the logical me took over, and I refrained. 2010 has been good. As long as I choose to look back at the smiles it has given me, the year has been awesome. Some awesome people in my life…awesome moments…and lesso

Sorry Dear Blog

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Blank and numb that I am, a thought still runs in my head. Read as a child, “Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thoughts”, and lived by it, unknowingly. And yet again, it happened. They say penning down something helps you get it out of your mind. Tried it again. Result – the thought of this piece accompanied me even in my sleep. Thus, I have another piece of my heart laid down. The first piece, shared with very few (three to be precise), had reactions varying from ‘it’s the relation speaking’ to ‘Marquez-ian’ to a simple hug. This piece had only one reaction: “Don’t open up before the world.” I knew it throughout…but still, when you so fall in love with what you write…you need somebody to tell you “Don’t open up before the world.” Thanks to her for doing this…for letting me nurture some emotions close to heart. For being so like me and advising me to shut the world out! We do need to do this at times…shut the world out to let our sweetest songs be ‘only’ ours. And for

The fairy tale

With yet another year nearing its end, it’s time to move on. This song has no connection with what this year has been. When I look back now, the year has been honest and successful. It’s just about one realization with which I grew up this year: Fairy tales don’t exist. I didn’t want this song to get lost in loads of videos I share on Facebook. Want to come back to it and listen often, so keeping it safe somewhere where I spent ‘my’ moments of the day.  It's so hard to lose the one you love To finally have to say goodbye You try to be strong but the pain keeps holdin' on And all that you can do is cry Deep within your heart you know it's time to move on When the fairy tale that you once knew is gone When the last tear drop falls I'll still be holdin' on to all of our memories And all of what used to be When the last tear drop falls I will stand tall And know that you're here with me in my heart When the last tear drop falls So now I'm alone

Touché

Sleepless about something…don’t know what it is. Another poetry filled night, like many other. Smiling…just wanted to translate four lines of a poem I love… Your lips touched mine Though not the first time Kiss…we have had before This time…I got shelter in there For the rest…let the poem itself  speak!

Is life a complete circle?

It all started with a tagged Note on Facebook. Read it and smiled. And then buried the smile unknowingly in a heap of deadlines… Until a G-Talk ping, ‘Busy?’ I knew he had something to say…I knew it the moment I read his tagged note. That’s what we always did. A ping after days, sometimes months! Wrapping up work as quickly as I could, I was back to him…my old friend. He began without any introduction…as if we are aware of each other’s daily life. I picked it up from where he began. It had always been such…one just stating the result and other trying to sketch a complete picture. His monologue ended with “I knew you would understand.” And from there mine started: “How couldn’t I?” Next was his turn to listen. I spoke while he filled in the blanks. And soon we were back to those good old days. Those class monitoring days, hour long afternoon phone conversations, discussing homework assignments, pooling by the same vehicle…when life was at its best. And we realized how we are carrying

Wintry Kolkata...

A lazy Friday morning… With Santa around the corner, woke up to find a beautiful morning smiling at me. Couldn’t help but smile back at life, thanking Santa for the year that had been. And sitting 1700km away, fell in love with a wintry morning at Kolkata…all over again. I surprise myself often, when I look back to see how I fall in love with small things in life…small conversations, small note of thanks, a simple smile…or just a look. Don’t know if this has something to do with the city I grew up in. But when I woke up to miss the Christmas and New Year cards that we used to exchange in school, I realized I miss those days. I still have a box full of those memories, left in Kolkata. And those scrap books we used to fill while leaving schools…dated till your husband gets pregnant kind! Life changes! Christmas now means dining out…New Year means partying or just gathering over few drinks. Where I see people discussing everything but being happy! Trust me…dining or drinking with gro

Her... http://porichitohaasi.blogspot.com/

I woke up to find my phone inbox full…with some messages waiting outside my inbox. Reminded of those times when not doing homework meant standing outside the class waiting for it to get over, I took pity on these waiting texts. And started clearing my inbox! And then realized…I can’t delete them! Precious they are! Reminding me of moments, of togetherness, of good times and bad…. Once again I realized why the thought of changing my handset scares me! More than the contacts, every time I switch over to a new handset, I silently cry for the lost ‘saved’ texts. Weird I know…you don’t have to tell me that!  Wondering what to do, I read all the saved messages, only to realize 70% are sent by a single person. A friend whom I know since college, who has been an honest critic of all my nonsensical thoughts, and who never fails to send me texts post midnight… A friend who knows when I need a smile and sends across a text, if not anything more... Might appear childish to many, but her texts

kiddo...

I met him once! A 17-year old…who was literally awed by my presence and kind of started idealizing me. His mom too kept her typical mom-ish radio on…till I intervened: “Kakima…why are you bothered? Let him be himself. I didn’t even bother to have any ideals till date!” To which her answer was: “You will understand only when you have your own kids.” And I ended up muttering under my breath: Holy s***! I liked this guy…his zeal for life…his endless blabbering…his innocence. Between, we met while we were out for a weekend picnic. Off to a sea-side with my dad’s college gang and their family (there were 53 of us). January chill couldn’t dampen the spirit of these 50+ ageing gang of friends… Coming back to this kid… I entered the hotel and he walked up to say: “Have been waiting for you so long. Shall we go out for a walk on the beach this evening?” I was shell shocked! I didn't even know who he was. Before I could open my mouth, he dropped another bomb: “Please don’t say no! Pl

In retrospect...

With 2010 drawing close, like everybody else, I too have been thinking about things that I could have done, things I should have done, things I thought I would do but didn’t. For the last couple of days, this train of thoughts has been ruling my mind. But then, for most part of my past, I don’t repent. I have no reason to! It made me what I’m today. With all the heart aches and smiles, intelligent and stupid conversations, love and I-don’t-wanna-see your-face-again, life did move on. And am thankful it did. But this post had to come. Just because I wanted to have a list of wish-could-have-done! But then thought, why be moronic? I can look back to those wonderful days…days I spent in the City of Joy. Now that I am kinda sure that 2011 or even 2021 won’t find me relocating to Kolkata (because that’s a bad career choice), and am in love with Hyderabad (well…I am…honestly!), why not look back? Kolkata…in retrospect… How does this sound? Now that am confident that looking back to the to-

Now, here is more to it

Now, here is more to it. If I find myself lost someday, you know where to find me, don’t you? Confused? Well…this just came to my mind in between work. And typed it down! Reads nice, doesn’t it? But doesn’t make any sense. Not to me at least! That reminds me, since when did I start making sense? A busily boring day at work, more so it being a Friday…loads of work pending (thanks to my laziness and end-of-the-year feeling)….some undecipherable training modules to go through (they say professional life should never be stagnant, you should learn new things everyday! And hence…am doomed!)…weekend seems pretty exciting. The only good thing is perhaps a coming up might-happen weekend trip. But then, am pretty confident that with the people in question, chances are it might not happen. Anyway, coming back to what I started off with (or thought I would)…RESOLUTIONS. Am pretty bad at keeping them though, but nevertheless it’s fun to make them. Like promises, resolutions are meant to be broke

Scribbling…

 I.                    Smile Your name brings to me a smile That is silent, as are hills on a windless night The trees will tell you this, if you wait awhile For they will lie not, as others might II.                 Dreams I The dreams are still there And now I dream even more They are all that I have And I can give you no more III.              Dreams II Though it’s rare for one to smile On a night when dreams just wilt and fall It’s better to have loved and lost Much better than never to have loved at all IV.              First Love Twenty years ago, I couldn’t ask for your address. Twenty years ago, You lost my telephone number. Twenty years… Even a lifetime Is not enough To forget! Dated: August 6, 2002

For Tomorrow…

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Tomorrow when the sun shines up And steaks the world all red I would have no words of hope Because all that have are long been said Years and years in the moments lived No damned dreams ever come true In the promises of Archies’ cards The ones that I live for are few And yet my darned stupid mind Clings on with no logic to find On to the thoughts of changing times!   -           December 30, 2001. Finding it hard to believe that I wrote this…but facts are always stranger than fiction!

An old feeling…

At times, we day-dream! We build castles of dream in the air. Some of them come true, some don’t. We carry them within us like prized possession. We play with them at leisure…arrange them, and then rearrange…knowing that they won’t ever come true. Again we put them back on the shelf. Therein lies our sweetest and most honest smiles. At times the feeling of not being able to have something is dearer than the thought or reality of having something. Perhaps emptiness is the most honest feeling one can ever feel! Preface to this: Written way back in 2002 in Bengali. Suddenly came across this today while turning the pages of an old book. Had this odd habit of penning down thoughts while reading something completely different/ doing mathematics…I found that weird then…but thankful now for this long-forgotten weird habit that made me smile. Couldn’t help but do a rough translation.

Missed Thanksgiving…so what?

Just a month to go…and another dramatic year will see its end. Well, dramatic for me…am not too sure if you can use the same adjective. A year that began with loads of never-to-be-kept resolutions…a year when Kolkata got the most of me since 2006…a year that saw me happy most of the time…and a year that reconfirmed my belief in “This too shall pass!” This is the year when every alternate month was supposedly exciting for Cancerians (or so predicted Susan Miller )…and every alternate month I excitedly found myself back to square one, to the extent of laughing at myself. Oops…almost forgot…this is also the year when my mom realized that times have changed and I can and do say (that too at alarming frequency) NO to guys. 2010 has been memorable, for reasons both good and bad. As hard as it might be, I learnt to smile this year…and yes…I learnt to believe in the fact that there is magic in our life, we just need to close our eyes and believe in it. And no…don’t open your eyes; the realit

1 new message received!!

Had a long tiring day! Came back home, had dinner and an hour long routine conversation with mom, and was about to hit the bed when my phone beeped with the following message: Most of us miss out life’s big prizes Nobel Oscar Grammys But we are all eligible for life’s small prizes: A hug from best friend A quick nap on a friend’s shoulder A glorious sunset A chat with someone we have a crush on An ice cream when it’s raining A silent night on the terrace Money from old jeans A stroll on an empty road with the person we love on a full moon night So don’t worry about missing life’s big prizes But take care of the small ones. Don’t know why this text brought a smile to my face and I was compelled to share it. Wanted to add on to the list, but then thought of saving it for another post :-) As of now, just wanted to thank all those people who made my life special by being a part of it…by ensuring that I have my share of small prizes…and have taught me to smile To all those who have

Whims list…

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Another Monday…one of those many when I woke up wondering would it really matter if I sit back at home doing absolutely nothing.   I bet no…I have at least a dozen friends who do exactly the same, and except for the occasional cribbing about life sans job being a boring one, life seems perfectly OK for them. They do hang out with friends, more often than I do, since they have free weekdays too, unlike me. They do go for vacation…dad-sponsored…unlike me…for whom vacation means taking the earliest flight back home and catching the latest flight back to work. They do take afternoon nap till date, something I have left with my summer holidays in college. They do ask their dads for money till date, something I haven’t done for years now. All the money talks with my dad have been limited to investment plans and tax return filings. And to be honest, I miss those days when I had to ask dad for an ice cream or had to save pennies to buy a book I had been eying for months. They still barg

The Lost Horizon

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Don’t know if I should have written this. Don’t know if this comes as a justification, or an excuse.  I know the sanest thing I can possibly do now is to think of a busy Monday, work on certain things that would definitely add on to my resume and perhaps some more zeros to my CTC, and then when am tired, just doze off. And wait for another week to begin. But is this life? Odd as it may seem, I keep track of certain blogs (call it stalking if you want to, I don’t care). Logged on to check mails after a pretty busy weekend and out of habit went to one such bookmarked blog. The reason being obvious: today was one of such many days when I was missing some moments of my life, moments when I lived my life, and later passed them off as ‘you don’t need to live every moment of your life for yourself’ with a heavy heart and a smile. And of course some blog posts. And the question bumped into my mind for the n-th time. Do we all really do what we want to? Or is it what we think we should ra

The Deccan Chronicle 4

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Hussain Sagar: Am in love with this place, so won’t go deep into explaining the whys and hows of it. If you can, visit this place on a rainy evening, and I bet you would think twice before relocating to any other city. I can’t, maybe am in love with this place. If you can, let me know how.

The Deccan Chronicle 3

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Golconda: If you are super-bored any weekend, specially on a wintry afternoon, drop in at Golconda. Or, if your mother is worried why you have suddenly lost your appetite, visit the fort. Honestly, I didn’t find the place great. If you are in love, you might. And I recommend not to go for the light and sound show (unless you have nothing better to do, and plan to do some photography). But if you are a one-time visitor to the city, you might as well want to see where the Nawab lived.  SalarJung Museum: If anybody has ever complimented your beauty and you were flattered, stand before the statue of veiled Rebecca (sorry, they do not allow cameras inside) and you would know what beauty is. You can look at her for hours and can’t help but thank that person who introduced you to this ethereal lady.  This museum has many other displays…but I am so awed by Rebecca every time I visit, nothing registers my mind.

The Deccan Chronicle 2

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Charminar: Perhaps the landmark of Hyderabad (though I don’t feel so)! Good for clicking pictures on winter afternoons. And yes, you may climb up the stairs if you plan to lose some weight.  Chowmahalla Palace: Take a city tour by AP tourism, where they would drop you to the palace on a sunny afternoon. Trust me, you would hate it! Keep an eye on the events happening in the city, grab a ticket for an event in Chowmahalla palace, visit on a cool evening, you would love this palace. And silently wish you were transported back in time and could be Nawab’s guest!

The Deccan Chronicle…

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(This is a series post, as I would dig into my 15GB photo collection to relive the city…and it would take some time to sort out the memories. So would write as and when I do that.) Yes…that’s what I chose to call this! Four long years…maybe will be here a couple of years more…maybe not. Life has been always bizarre…just when I think things look fine, it becomes a scrambled egg (thanks MG for this term). But I have a never-say-die hope, which tells me whatever happens, happens for good. It’s just that we momentarily fail to see the goodness (is that a term?) in them. Anyway, coming back to my chronicle, all this while I never realized that the Deccan Chronicle has become a part of my daily life. A cuppa and DC or Hyderabad Times to start my day with…that’s what it has been for all these years! You know what…when I came over, first couple of months I used to miss my city…its morning paper. I tried reading DC and TOI, but couldn’t relate to the local places. And now, strangely, the s

Missing you seasons

My heart is having one of its many “missing you” seasons! Was up till late last night, doing absolutely nothing (not even FBing), trying to figure out what is it that I want and what is it that I should cut out from my life…wanted to write something, anything, but then couldn’t take the risk of pouring my heart out. Was going through old writings…came across a cute kiddish writing about love, smiled at myself wondering how could I write this piece, and then suddenly wanted to be that kid again. Write absolute nothing if nothing else. And came across this quote by Bob Marley . And wanted to have it here. For reasons unknown though! Or perhaps very known! "Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved

a note of thanks...

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Thanks to that one person who taught me life is all about learning to fly when you know you don't have something solid to stand on to...to that one person who taught me to smile and say: "Happens! Life!"

Remember?

The last time you really fought with someone knowing you are ‘not right’ The last time you fought and promised yourself not to talk again when all you wanted was to hold him tight and never let him go The last time you couldn’t get a fight out of your head The last time you hated yourself for being so headstrong The last time you tried to sleep over it and couldn’t The last time you accepted your state of denial The last time you felt you don’t love him as much as he does and tried letting him go The last time you had this odd confidence he is yours The last time you woke up in sleep to miss your phone The last time you tried being normal but couldn’t The last time you tried smiling and couldn’t really smile so well, so laughed at yourself The last time you texted to let your colleague know that you’ll be late for office because you didn’t sleep The last time you wished that tomorrow never comes The last time you said to yourself, “Trust me, everything will be fine” The last time you w

of late...

Let me live as I want to, I have arranged myself accordingly Let un-got things remain so, getting everything ruins life Like the blurred lights of your world, like some fragmented dusky glass If you want to fly away, just spread your wings… I promise not to let my binoculars stalk you. These sails are all tattered; still I keep on writing story… Not wanting to give in to her midnight whims anymore I keep trying to swim across to find the shore… If dawn finds love dropping silently from the sky Don’t wake up and search for me Your sleepy eyes won’t find me beside you Don’t put on the lights for me Am used to counting waves in the midst of human sea Am lost in the station, and won’t take the last train back home The dreams excite your blood and run at their own pace If you ever get time from the race, think where do I lie in-between your fingers I don’t want to get lost in calculation… Not wanting to touch the dry spring onions left cold in the fridge I have

Drives…

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‘Riding in silence’…ever felt it? Those moments when you just drive (or ride is it? This term never fails to confuse me)…those moments when you actually feel that you can drive away all your pain…the soft music and an open road…an unknown (or perhaps known) destination…rain kissing the road…you wishing the rain to kiss you… Those moments when you actually ‘live’ your life…those moments when you actually feel alive! Rain walks and rain drives have always been my favorite. Something I relate to…something that touches the core of my existence. Don’t know how, don’t know since when…but since the time I remember knowing me, rain has been there. What drives you? You must have heard this question many times. Ever heard anyone answering “Drive drives me…”? Trust me, it does…just try the rain and drive combination! Look at the raindrops fall on your wind shield….put your face outside the window and feel the raindrops piercing your face…you would know what life means. You woul

Home-a-side

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The title sounds like homicide…does it? Even if it doesn’t, you must agree to me that it does! Because that’s what came to my mind! Ok…first things first! Am too busy today! Have a flight to catch in the evening, so need to bunk office (I don’t actually have to ‘bunk’, but I like the thought of ‘bunking’ office…so….) But couldn’t resist this post! I was planning to be at office early today. The key word here is ‘planning’. As usual, last night I ended up chatting late (this has been an addiction, since there are some people online at wee hours I like talking to)…and when my Photon ditched me, went back to texting… followed by calls…then story book…then random thoughts…ended up sleeping at 3 in the morning. Was sad thinking that for the next one week won’t be able to text in the middle of the night, won’t be able to post dawn-ish updates on Facebook. For the next one week, my only savior would be work…I will work late nights…and am happy for that! Still managed to wake up early tod